There seems to be an implication being made that the MDA Telethon is more profitable without Jerry Lewis’ involvement, however I believe nothing could be further from the truth.

Here’s how to REALLY figure out what these MDA numbers mean, and what they don’t:

1) An enormous amount of pledges for the MDA Telethon are received well in advance of the actual telethon:

• A) If you donated last year, you received numerous donation forms in the mail in previous months, all signed by Jerry Lewis
• B) Corporations raise money all year to present (normally to Jerry) during the telethon
• C) Firefighters and other charitable organizations raise money all year to present during the Telethon as well.

This year, everyone *believed* this would be Jerry’s last year, so it makes sense that all three of the above sources if anything would donate more than usual this year. If true, all that extra money would be due to Jerry Lewis.

2) To figure out what amount was raised DUE to the actual Telethon, we need two figures:

• A) How much money was pledged in 2010 from private sources during the Sunday-Monday two day period of the Telethon.
• B) How much money was pledged in 2011 from private sources during the Sunday Telethon, and if the donation lines remained open through Labor Day (I’m not sure), Monday as well.

The difference between THOSE two numbers is the precise difference and value that Jerry Lewis provides during his normal 21 1/2 hour Telethon.

Any other method of crunching the numbers would be misleading.

3) As a side note, with the 2011 MDA Telethon not even running a tote board to tally donations throughout the event, it certainly leaves them open to suspicion of using a different method to come up with their total than in previous years.

While I have no reason to believe that’s true, (since it makes sense that all year up until the actual Telethon people could easily have been donating MORE than in previous years as a thank-you to Jerry on his supposed last year of hosting) it’s very easy to see where the motivation would be for those who drastically changed the Telethon and stand to be publicly shamed if it appeared they failed.

In my mind, the true possible damage that’s been done through the perceived dishonorable way they’ve treated Jerry Lewis won’t be evident until next year’s telethon.

I can say this with certainty, though: I know for a fact that the MDA lost $100 this year, because unlike previous years, I didn’t pledge it.

1) No Jerry Lewis

2) Telethon was cut from 21 hours to 6 hours, theoretically to:

A) Increase the number of stations that will carry it

B) To attract higher star quality to perform because they’ll be on prime time

Here’s what I’m seeing:

-Last year (2010) the MDA Telethon was carried by 190 stations. This year (2011) it will only be carried by 160. (FAIL)

-The station carrying it in my area is not a major network, it’s some weird channel I’m not familiar with… Just like last year

- I just read the list of performers this year, and frankly, it’s not impressive. Penn & Teller are performing, and Lady Antabellum, but besides that it’s just an American Idol alumni gathering, because the A.I. producers are running the telethon.

-Bonus Fail: This year’s MDA Labor Day Telethon isn’t even ON labor day, it’s on Sunday (today).

My Conclusive Prediction: EPIC, EPIC FAIL.

(Note: I have no idea what the actual donation total will be, but from everything I can see, this year’s telethon has been epically mishandled, cruelly implemented (DUDE: RULE ONE IS DON’T MORTALLY INSULT/OFFEND JERRY LEWIS), and is a P.R. nightmare that will probably continue well past today.)

And because of that, apparently the Wall Street Journal doesn’t call the president, “President Obama” anymore, but just plain-old “Mr. Obama”.

Here’s the Wall Street Journal article, and it’s not a blog or an opinion piece.  From what I can see, it’s Wall Street Journal policy now.

The Wall Street Journal isn’t News Of The World – yet.  I know its owner is Australian, but we Americans like to respect the the nation’s highest office. Peddle your disrespect somewhere else, you Australian Assclown.

We call him MISTER Tibbs.  Err, wait… I mean PRESIDENT Obama.

(Edit: The Wall Street Journal is no longer displaying that entire page showing them repeatedly refer to Pres. Obama as just “Mr. Obama”.  ASSCLOWNS.

Rumor has it that his only requirement for marriage is for her to have one of her legs removed. To show his love for her and demonstrate that he’s not a controlling tyrant, she’s been given the choice to decide which leg she likes the least.

There’s no word as to whether the amputation will occur before or after their wedding, or possibly the day of. We’ll keep you updated as developments occur.

Assuming that’s true, Donald is definitely going to win that bet!

You go Donald, you go…

Feel free to add a caption for Tish also, like:

Tish: “I’d better divorce Billy Ray before he starts singing ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ again once he finds out”

Tish: “God, please don’t let Billy Ray ever find out that Bret is Miley’s actual father!”

Awesome! That means hopefully he’ll record “Achy Breaky Heart 2″, here’s some lyrics to help get him started (sing along):

“Don’t suck his schlong, his Poison Poison schlong…”